“I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens, but I am in the military, in the ranks rarely seen. I have no rank upon my shoulders- salutes I do not give, but the military world is the place where I live. I’m not in the chain of command, orders I do not get, but my husband [wife] is the one who does, this I cannot forget. I’m not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line, but my job is just as tough, I’m the one that’s left behind. My husband [wife] is a patriot, a brave and prideful [wo]man, and the call to serve his[her] country, not all can understand. Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free. My husband [wife] makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me. I love the [wo]man I married, Soldiering is his[her] life. But I stand among the silent ranks known as the military [spouse].”
Some of the strongest people in the military are not enlisted at all. While they still serve their country, most do not even acknowledge them and they are often in the shadows. They are military spouses. While the conflicts and wars may change, their jobs do not. They are the support system for their soldier, and take care of everything while their soldier is gone.
While discussing the roles of military spouses, I spoke with Dora Mae VanHouten (age 82), MaryEllen Dix Reynolds (age 88), Bobby Moberg (age 25) and Amber Finigan (age 23). Mrs. VanHouten was a military wife for 21 years. Her husband, Gene retired as a Master Sergeant in the United States Air Force after serving in Vietnam as an aircraft mechanic. Mrs. Dix was a military wife for only a few years, during World War II. Her husband, Boyd was an Ensign in the United States Navy as a flight instructor. PFC. Moberg has been a military husband for a little over a year. His wife, Leah is a Sergeant in the United States Army. She is currently deployed to Kuwait. PFC. Moberg returned from his own deployment in July 2010. Mrs. Finigan has been a military wife for a little over a year. Her husband, Anthony is a Lieutenant JG in the United States Navy. He is currently in submarine training in Charleston, South Carolina.
While many things in the world have changed, the role of the military spouse is not much different, with the exception of communication and that there are more men. During WWII and Vietnam, the main source of communication was letters. Mrs. VanHouten still has a few letters written from Vietnam (she was stationed with Gene in Georgia, Louisiana, New Jersey, Japan, and Illinois), while Mrs. Dix was stationed with her husband at his only base in Corpus Christie, Texas. The longest he was ever gone was a week. PFC. Moberg has the advantage of having cell phones, Facebook, and Skype. He said, “I think technology has both hurt and helped military couples who are away from each other for any period of time. You can communicate more nowadays more than you have every been able to before, you get to see what they are up to even if you did not get to talk to them that day, and you are able to video chat with them making them being away a little easier to deal with. However, technology has ruined the “personal” aspect to talking to your significant other. By that I mean that when you used to get letters it meant more to you because you knew that they hand wrote it and took a lot of time and put a lot of thought into it. Another downfall would be seeing they are online but they are not responding to your messages. It drives you crazy because you do not what is going on and heaven forbid you do not get to talk to them everyday. You start thinking that something is wrong, or something has happened forcing you to worry about your wife/husband that is deployed overseas.”
Mrs. Finigan also has the benefit of having the modern technology. She says that Facebook helps in the sharing of information because if one person knows something, it is easier to share if you are not able to contact your husband. On the other hand, during deployments, it will not change things much. Since her husband will be on a submarine, there will be no internet or cell phone service. For his deployment, unless he is at “periscope depth”, they will not have any contact.
Both Mrs. VanHouten and Mrs. Dix lived in military housing. Mrs. Dix explained that when they were starting out, “At first we just had one room, it was tough. We finally got an apartment. We didn’t live in housing like most did because he was an Officer.” While Mrs. VanHouten explained that, “It wasn’t much different, but you needed to keep it clean”. When asked if it was different raising children in the military, Mrs. VanHouten responded, “Not much different than here.” Mrs. Finigan is currently living in Terre Haute, Indiana. PFC Moberg is currently living in Springfield, Illinois.
I asked Mrs. Finigan what she thinks it would be like if her husband were still a civilian, and had not decided to enter the Navy. She told me, “The only thing that would change if Anthony was a civilian would be that I would get to see him every day. I would be able to count on him and not worry about whether or not he’ll be able to come to significant events in our lives like my graduation or the birth of our children.” This is one thing most forget about military families, is that the husbands cannot just come home for important events. Many are missed. I also asked Amber what her favorite things were about being a military wife. She responded, “The military is a community and I love being a part of it. I have friends all over the country. There are also other perks like tax free shopping, restaurant discounts, etc. I also love getting to see my husband in uniform.” And the most rewarding thing is, “…Homecomings. Thanks to the Navy, we’ll be in the honeymoon phase of marriage for the next 17 years.”
PFC. Moberg has the unique perspective of also having been in the military. I asked if his enlistment changed their situation. “I think that me being enlisted as well only changes my situation slightly. I am more tolerant of things that happen than someone who does not know what their spouse is going through. I understand everything that she is going through because I have been in her shoes and I know how much it hurts being away from all of your loved ones.” When asked what he likes most about being a military couple he responded, “…I do not have to guess and try to figure out what she is talking about when we do get to talk. It makes it that much easier for us to talk because I don’t have to try and decipher what she is saying.”:)”
I asked Mrs. VanHouten if her feelings changed with the different conflicts or wars, since her husband served at the very end of WWII, in Korea and in Vietnam. She told me, “I worried while he was in Japan, because the planes were old, and not in good shape.”
I asked both Mrs. VanHouten and Mrs. Dix if they worked while their husbands were away. Both said no. Mrs. VanHouten added, “They didn’t like hiring GI wives”. Mrs. Finigan is currently in school to be a Physician’s Assistant so she can one day work in a Veterans’ Affairs Hospital wherever Anthony gets stationed. PFC Moberg is currently a student at Lincoln Land Community College.
I asked Mrs. Finigan about challenges that she faces and she told me, “Things are constantly changing in the Navy. For instance, you could have orders to go to San Diego. You find an apartment there and schedule a U-Haul to move your stuff. But then the day you are supposed to move you get a call saying that you are now going to Seattle and not San Diego. This really makes things difficult for planning anything.”
When talking to PFC. Moberg about the challenges he faces, “The biggest challenge I am facing is that I was recently diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and I do not have my wife here to help me through it. There is only so much she can do from Kuwait and it hurts every day that she is not here. Another challenge is that since we are a dual military marriage/couple that we have had to spend so much time away from each other. The 3 1/2 years we have been together we have had to be apart for 2/3 of the time at least which makes things very challenging at times.” On the other hand, when asked about the most rewarding part about being a military husband, “…the pride I feel for my wife. She is one of the strongest, smartest, and most talented people I know and I know she is a great leader for people to come to. She works very hard at being the best she can be even if she stresses out because of it.
These are four of the most amazing people I have ever met. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be away from the person you love for a long period of time, either by choice or by duty. While deployments and separations may be easier than they were in the past, it still is not easy.
“Dear Lord,
Give me the greatness of heart to see the difference between duty and his love for me. Give me understanding that I may know; when duty calls him [her] [s]he must go. Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when [s]he’s away. And Lord, when [s]he’s in a foreign land, keep him [her] safe in your loving hand. And Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him [her] and be his [her] shield. And Lord, when deployment is so long, please stay with me and keep me strong. Amen. “