“I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens, but I am in the military, in the ranks rarely seen.  I have no rank upon my shoulders- salutes I do not give, but the military world is the place where I live. I’m not in the chain of command, orders I do not get, but my husband [wife] is the one who does, this I cannot forget. I’m not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line, but my job is just as tough, I’m the one that’s left behind. My husband [wife] is a patriot, a brave and prideful [wo]man, and the call to serve his[her] country, not all can understand. Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free. My husband [wife] makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me. I love the [wo]man I married, Soldiering is his[her] life. But I stand among the silent ranks known as the military [spouse].”

            Some of the strongest people in the military are not enlisted at all. While they still serve their country, most do not even acknowledge them and they are often in the shadows. They are military spouses. While the conflicts and wars may change, their jobs do not. They are the support system for their soldier, and take care of everything while their soldier is gone.
            While discussing the roles of military spouses, I spoke with Dora Mae VanHouten (age 82), MaryEllen Dix Reynolds (age 88), Bobby Moberg (age 25) and Amber Finigan (age 23). Mrs. VanHouten was a military wife for 21 years. Her husband, Gene retired as a Master Sergeant in the United States Air Force after serving in Vietnam as an aircraft mechanic. Mrs. Dix was a military wife for only a few years, during World War II. Her husband, Boyd was an Ensign in the United States Navy as a flight instructor. PFC. Moberg has been a military husband for a little over a year. His wife, Leah is a Sergeant in the United States Army. She is currently deployed to Kuwait. PFC. Moberg returned from his own deployment in July 2010. Mrs. Finigan has been a military wife for a little over a year. Her husband, Anthony is a Lieutenant JG in the United States Navy. He is currently in submarine training in Charleston, South Carolina.

            While many things in the world have changed, the role of the military spouse is not much different, with the exception of communication and that there are more men. During WWII and Vietnam, the main source of communication was letters. Mrs. VanHouten still has a few letters written from Vietnam (she was stationed with Gene in Georgia, Louisiana, New Jersey, Japan, and Illinois), while Mrs. Dix was stationed with her husband at his only base in Corpus Christie, Texas. The longest he was ever gone was a week.  PFC. Moberg has the advantage of having cell phones, Facebook, and Skype. He said, “I think technology has both hurt and helped military couples who are away from each other for any period of time. You can communicate more nowadays more than you have every been able to before, you get to see what they are up to even if you did not get to talk to them that day, and you are able to video chat with them making them being away a little easier to deal with. However, technology has ruined the “personal” aspect to talking to your significant other. By that I mean that when you used to get letters it meant more to you because you knew that they hand wrote it and took a lot of time and put a lot of thought into it. Another downfall would be seeing they are online but they are not responding to your messages. It drives you crazy because you do not what is going on and heaven forbid you do not get to talk to them everyday. You start thinking that something is wrong, or something has happened forcing you to worry about your wife/husband that is deployed overseas.”

               Mrs. Finigan also has the benefit of having the modern technology.  She says that Facebook helps in the sharing of information because if one person knows something, it is easier to share if you are not able to contact your husband. On the other hand, during deployments, it will not change things much.  Since her husband will be on a submarine, there will be no internet or cell phone service. For his deployment, unless he is at “periscope depth”, they will not have any contact.

            Both Mrs. VanHouten and Mrs. Dix lived in military housing. Mrs. Dix explained that when they were starting out, “At first we just had one room, it was tough. We finally got an apartment. We didn’t live in housing like most did because he was an Officer.” While Mrs. VanHouten explained that, “It wasn’t much different, but you needed to keep it clean”. When asked if it was different raising children in the military, Mrs. VanHouten responded, “Not much different than here.”  Mrs. Finigan is currently living in Terre Haute, Indiana. PFC Moberg is currently living in Springfield, Illinois.

              I asked Mrs. Finigan what she thinks it would be like if her husband were still a civilian, and had not decided to enter the Navy. She told me, “The only thing that would change if Anthony was a civilian would be that I would get to see him every day. I would be able to count on him and not worry about whether or not he’ll be able to come to significant events in our lives like my graduation or the birth of our children.” This is one thing most forget about military families, is that the husbands cannot just come home for important events. Many are missed. I also asked Amber what her favorite things were about being a military wife. She responded, “The military is a community and I love being a part of it. I have friends all over the country. There are also other perks like tax free shopping, restaurant discounts, etc. I also love getting to see my husband in uniform.” And the most rewarding thing is, “…Homecomings. Thanks to the Navy, we’ll be in the honeymoon phase of marriage for the next 17 years.”

              PFC. Moberg has the unique perspective of also having been in the military. I asked if his enlistment changed their situation. “I think that me being enlisted as well only changes my situation slightly. I am more tolerant of things that happen than someone who does not know what their spouse is going through. I understand everything that she is going through because I have been in her shoes and I know how much it hurts being away from all of your loved ones.” When asked what he likes most about being a military couple he responded, “…I do not have to guess and try to figure out what she is talking about when we do get to talk. It makes it that much easier for us to talk because I don’t have to try and decipher what she is saying.”:)”

            I asked Mrs. VanHouten if her feelings changed with the different conflicts or wars, since her husband served at the very end of WWII, in Korea and in Vietnam. She told me, “I worried while he was in Japan, because the planes were old, and not in good shape.”

            I asked both Mrs. VanHouten and Mrs. Dix if they worked while their husbands were away. Both said no. Mrs. VanHouten added, “They didn’t like hiring GI wives”. Mrs. Finigan is currently in school to be a Physician’s Assistant so she can one day work in a Veterans’ Affairs Hospital wherever Anthony gets stationed. PFC Moberg is currently a student at Lincoln Land Community College.

            I asked Mrs. Finigan about challenges that she faces and she told me, “Things are constantly changing in the Navy. For instance, you could have orders to go to San Diego. You find an apartment there and schedule a U-Haul to move your stuff. But then the day you are supposed to move you get a call saying that you are now going to Seattle and not San Diego. This really makes things difficult for planning anything.”

             When talking to PFC. Moberg about the challenges he faces, “The biggest challenge I am facing is that I was recently diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and I do not have my wife here to help me through it. There is only so much she can do from Kuwait and it hurts every day that she is not here. Another challenge is that since we are a dual military marriage/couple that we have had to spend so much time away from each other. The 3 1/2 years we have been together we have had to be apart for 2/3 of the time at least which makes things very challenging at times.” On the other hand, when asked about the most rewarding part about being a military husband, “…the pride I feel for my wife. She is one of the strongest, smartest, and most talented people I know and I know she is a great leader for people to come to. She works very hard at being the best she can be even if she stresses out because of it.
            These are four of the most amazing people I have ever met. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be away from the person you love for a long period of time, either by choice or by duty. While deployments and separations may be easier than they were in the past, it still is not easy.

“Dear Lord,
Give me the greatness of heart to see the difference between duty and his love for me. Give me understanding that I may know; when duty calls him [her] [s]he must go. Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when [s]he’s away. And Lord, when [s]he’s in a foreign land, keep him [her] safe in your loving hand. And Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him [her] and be his [her] shield. And Lord, when deployment is so long, please stay with me and keep me strong. Amen. “

Not a whole lot has happened since my last post.

I sent out resumes to several teams (Arizona, Texas, Minnesota, Atlanta, Pittsburgh, Colorado, San Diego, White Sox, and Kansas City), and to the College World Series. I’ve heard from the Pirates, Padres, Twins and White Sox, but they were either, “Get back to us when you graduate” or “Go [here] to apply for jobs”. I’m still not so patiently waiting to hear from other teams. Hopefully I hear from the Braves this year because I have worked in their organization for 5 years and never heard anything about my resume. I’m hoping my experience in the White Sox organization will help this season.

I sent my information to the College World Series for a Spring internship that would run from January to the end of the Series in June. I sent it thinking that nothing would come of it. I got an email last week telling me that I was chosen to interview. My interview was Monday, and I asked how many were being interviewed since it was open nationally. He said the response was more than they’ve ever had, and they narrowed it down to 5 people out of all the applicants. I was one of them. The interviews go throughout this week. I don’t know when I’ll hear. I don’t know what I’ll do if I haven’t started hearing from teams.

We went to St. Louis before Game 6 of the World Series to hang out at the team hotel. I saw a guy wearing a big, sparkly ring. I went up to him, and asked if I could see it. It was a 2010 American League Championship ring. I started talking to him about school and what I want to do in baseball and he told me that he’s the Senior Vice President of the Rangers. I read up on him later that night and found out that he’s worked in or for the Ryan ownership group for several years. He told me on his way to the game to send my resume to him. I sent it… Again, just waiting to hear.

Last year was so much easier. No resumes to send out and no testing of my patience waiting to hear back

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I’m not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me,

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you’ll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I’d have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I’d always thought,
I didn’t want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had

If I could re-live yesterday
Just even for a while,
I’d say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven’s gates,
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.

He said, “This is eternity,
And all I’ve promised you.”
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day’s the same way
There’s no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn’t do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you’re free.
So won’t you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don’t think we’re far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I’m right here, in your heart.

It’s been a YEAR since Leanna Pearl Pokora died in the most unimaginable, unbelieveable, and worst way possible (to me). And, I can’t belive it’s been that long already.

So many things have changed in my life this past year, mostly because of her. I have grown, I have realized who my friends really are, and to keep in touch with them, and I’m one step closer to my dream job.

Leanna and I lost touch after sophomore year. We were in classes together, but didn’t really talk. I don’t know why.  I saw her once after we graduated, at a coming home dinner for a friend. It was also the last time I saw her.

I remember that morning I found out. I woke up and checked my phone. I had a text from my best friend, and not thinking anything of it, I opened it. “Leanna Pokora died”. She told me that it was on the front page of the paper’s website, so I knew it was something… not natural, I guess. I remember thinking my computer couldn’t start up fast enough. I got to the page, and to the article. She’d died after trying to push her car out of a flooded underpass. I had to read it 3 or 4 times. It couldn’t be real. It was made up. They had the wrong person. Things like this don’t happen. Not here.

I remember that day, I can’t even remember what we did or where we went. I did all of it, but I wasn’t there. I had a movie date that night, and so glad we’d already had it planned. We needed to get out and try and not think about it. I think we saw Easy A. I don’t remember.

I’ve been to more than my share of funerals for friends. This one was different. It wasn’t her choice (like with the others), and it was just… different. I remember when a friend died when I was 13 that another friend told me that she’d kissed Courtney goodbye and she was so cold. That stuck with me more than anything. I kissed Leanna goodbye, and it’s something I’ve never felt. That statement came back to me…

A benefit was held in September to help her family. It was amazing. I helped get some auction items, and it helped me so much. The turnout was incredible, and the money raised was more than I think anyone thought would happen. We filled the resturant, with alot having to hang out outside.

When I see articles or reports about people being rescued from underpasses, I am almost physically sick. Not just anger at them, but almost sick. They don’t understand that this can happen. At least not to them. But it does. It happened to an amazing, 23 year old woman who had amazing things ahead of her.

I regret not talking to her more when I had the chance. In a way, I think it helped, because it was already hard enough, but there’s always that “I could have done more” feeling.

I think everyday of the two friends that were with her, and hope that they’re as strong as I know they are. And when they aren’t, they have so many people to turn to. They need to know that, if they don’t already.

Please, if there is flooding in your area, find a way around underpasses. They’re never safe when flooded. 6 inches of water can sweep a person off their feet. A foot stalls a car. Be careful!!

I finished my internship this last Saturday (August 13), and I hated that it was over. This was the fastest summer of my life, and the best. I’m so glad I didn’t quit that first day. It was more than I could have expected, which was easy, because I came in with no expectations except MAYBE meeting someone from the White Sox. The two best things to happen my last day were wearing a 2005 World Series ring (my count is now up to 3…), and my supervisor telling me that he is going to call a friend of his that works for the Arizona Diamondbacks. (I had sent an email to the President of the team and asked him about jobs, and he told me to send my resume). Since I wasn’t offered a position with the White Sox or the Academy, I’m hoping something comes out of this.

I went back to the Academy Monday to say goodbye to everyone. It was weird knowing that it was the last time I’d be there, unless I go up for a camp or something. While there, my supervisor told me that the pictures I’d taken for him were better than if he’d hired someone to come take them, that meant alot. I like photography, but I want to keep it a hobby, I think he saw that, it was one of the only positions he didn’t suggest to me over the three months.
While there, I talked to Michael Huff, who is the Vice President of Sports and former White Sox outfielder. He told me that if I need anything, or have any questions to not hesitate to contact him. The Director of Marketing, Xan Pearson, told me the same. She helped me a lot this summer, so hopefully, I will be able to ask her some good questions about being a female in the sport.

I don’t think I really used anything I’ve learned in my experience at school with this. I used more of what I’ve already learned in baseball than anything. I learned alot about myself, and became more patient, I think. I hope. 
I’ve also come to really believe in “If you love what you do, you never work a day in your life”. I never felt like I was working. It is an absolute dream for me to work in baseball, and I can’t imagine what it would be like to do this for the rest of my life. There are people in this game who have played or worked in baseball for the better part of 60 years. I can only hope to be that lucky.

Oh, and I *finally* got to meet Southpaw!!

Been awhile since I posted. Sorry about that. Been super busy lately. My supervisor is gone for two weeks, so I’ll have some time to relax now.

On June 28-29, we had the Double Duty Classic at US Cellular in Chicago. It included a discussion for the players with baseball historians and a few members of the White Sox front office (General Manager Kenny Williams, Director of Player Development Buddy Bell and the Director of Scouting). That was interesting to hear all of them talk. Several Negro League All Stars were also in attendance.
I was the person who handed out rosters to the scouts in attendance (big job, very stressful ). After the second inning, I could just watch the game. But before that, while waiting for the pregame festivities to start, I was standing next to Kenny Williams. After a couple minutes of trying to decide if I should say something to him, I did, and told him I wanted to work for him. He smiled, told me to send a resume and walked away with my buisness card.
The game was fun to watch. I was looking more at the stadium though, and enjoying my seat RIGHT behind the plate. I should really have that seat more often .
I think my favorite part of the day was the National Anthem, though. It was amazing.

This week, we had the Ozzie Guillen Skills Camp. I was excited about it because I’ve loved Ozzie for a few years. He’s one of my favorite managers. I didn’t know how it was going to go, but that was part of the excitement.
He was awesome. He was funny, and the kids seemed to really enjoy it. He did, too. I got to talk to him a little bit and got to hear him talk about the Sox and everything. It was really cool. I’ve been excited to meet people before and have been disappointed, this wasn’t one of those times.

Negro League All Stars

With Ozzie Guillen

I did not see the Rangers game last night. As much as I tried, my mlb.tv wouldn’t load. Part of me is glad I didn’t see any of it this morning.
I saw a tweet about a fan falling from their seat during the game and I immediately went back to the game last year when a fan fell. He ended up being injured, but more or less fine. I was waiting and hoping for that same news last night. That this fan had broken a few bones, but would be fine, he’d be back at a game soon.

Then I saw it.

When he fell, he landed on his head, and was bleeding badly. I was surprised that he was concious leaving the park, and hoped that meant nothing but good things.

Then I saw it.

“The fan who fell at the Rangers game has passed.” and “He was telling personnel to look after his young son.”
My heart broke. I obviously do not know this man. I don’t live in Texas, and have never been to Rangers game. But what I am, and how I “know” him is that I’m a Rangers fan. I am a baseball fan. The game of baseball players, fans, whatever, is like family. When one feels a pain or loss, alot of us feel that pain or loss.
I can’t imagine what it was like to be in that section, near that section, or in the A’s bullpen. Or what it was like for Mike Napoli, who saw it before Holland was back on the mound. And most of all, for Josh Hamilton.

I have been a Josh Hamilton fan since before he was re-drafted by Cincinatti. I got his Rangers shirt not too long after he was traded. I’ve wanted to meet him and give him a hug for I don’t know how long. His is an amazing story, and he’s an amazing person. I saw a quote last night that said, “You would think at some point the universe would decide that Josh Hamilton has been through enough in this lifetime.” Of all the people for this to happen to. No, there wasn’t anything he could have done, but in his mind, there will ALWAYS be something he could have done.
I saw a few people mention that they were scared how he was going to handle this. Part of me is, too. He’s going to need to talk as much as he can to people who were there, to people who kind of understand what happened. He needs baseball, his teammates and his family more than anything right now. I’ve been praying for strength for him, because there is that one, tiny little part of me that is afraid something might happen to him. I’m sure he’s stronger than that, but faced with something like this, you never know.

The fan that fell was taking his son to his first game. Many people have said that he will (understandibly) hate baseball from now on. I hope for the opposite.
I hope that this young boy, at some point, plays FOR his father. I hope that the Rangers can bring him back for a game, and show him that this isn’t the norm. I hope, that at some point, he falls in love with this amazing game, and does everything he can to play as hard as he can in memory of his father, who obviously wanted to introduce him to the game. I hope that Josh Hamilton has an oppotunity to meet him.
There are so many things I hope for this little boy.
Most of all, I hope that baseball is able to help heal him in the same way it’s helped heal many of us (including Josh) with things that have happened to us.

Thoughts and prayers with the family and friends of Shannon Stone. And to the man who tried to grab his leg to save him.

The second day was to be full of games. There was rain in the forecast, and it didn’t miss us. We pulled tarp in the morning, got 3 of the 5 games in, had a short delay, started the 4th game, and the weather sirens went off. We couldn’t be in the complex, so we were evacuated to a building on campus. We got the all clear and went back to playing. After 3 innings, the skies opened up, and the infield flooded within 5 minutes. We couldn’t play the rest of the games, so we had to move the rest of the day to the Academy. For the next 3 hours, the outfielders and pitchers worked out.

It was an interesting 2 days. I’ve never been this tired, but it was so much fun. I’ll be in Chicago most of next week for a camp, and then again the next week for the Double Duty Classic. That should be a pretty interesting experience, White Sox GM Kenny Williams is a big part of this event.

the ball that hit me.

my bruise. complete with seams.

I started my internship with the Bulls/ White Sox Training Academy as intern to the General Manager of Baseball Operations/ Head Baseball Trainer this past Monday.

My first day started at noon (not bad!) and as soon as I got there, my supervisor took us to lunch.  We discussed what would be expected of the week, which was to include two trips to Chicago. Since it rained the first day I was supossed to go (Wednesday), I got to work from home. I have been doing mainly coaching databases where I find contact information for coaches and/or players and enter them in to Excel spreadsheets for use (likely by me) later in the summer for the camps and showcases I will be the contact person for.  The databasing is OK, and I know it’s making my job easier for later on, but right now, it’s annoying. I was told it’s what I will be doing most of the first month.
After that first day, I was so stressed, and so fed up that I seriously, seriously considered quitting. I was going to find a job up here, and say forget it. Then I reminded myself that I’ve wanted to quit before, and have been wanted to quit before (does that make sense?). I didn’t. And that’s why I am where I am now. I think my supervisor knew somehow because after that first day, things were a ton better. We’re getting used to each other now, and I think it’s going to be pretty interesting the more we work together…

My first trip to Chicago came today. I was to be at the stadium at 7:15, which meant a 5:30 wakeup. On a Saturday. For those who know me, I’m not much of a morning person. I rode with another intern, from the basketball side of the facility. He’s from not too far from home, so we talked about that on the way up there. Not too long after we left town, we ran over something (still don’t know what it was). When we got to the stadium, we realized that the car had a flat tire, like, pancake flat. I don’t know if we were driving the whole way on it flat or not.

It was also today that I realized alot of things.
I’ve worked in baseball, before obviously. This is so much different. We were running two kids camps today,  and I was one of the “coaches” (go ahead, laugh, I’ll wait…..). We had groups of 8-10 kids that we took around to different stations around US Cellular. They got to go in the visitor’s clubhouse, the home batting cages, and all over the field for things like baserunning, fielding, robbing a homer where Dwayne Wise made The Catch to save Buerhle’s perfect game, and getting their picture taken on second base. There were a few too many “coaches”, so I got to walk around and basically just hang out where I wanted on the field. I got to take some pictures for the Academy, and take some of my own.
Not only did I get to be in the visitor’s clubhouse, I got to be in the dugouts and on the grass. I’ve never been in a clubhouse, and if you take a tour, you can’t be on the grass. I think I was most excited about that (nerd alert).

I may be an intern for a Major League organization, which means I have to be “cool” with this, but first and foremost, I am a fan. To have my first trip to a stadium be as close to all access as you can get is more than amazing. I had to remind myself several times today that, yes, this is real. This is my life right now. And I can’t believe it.

(And yes, we did get the tire fixed. And we got lost on the way home. )

Standing in the grass behind 3B

I got this internship in September, and thought this day would never come. I didn’t know how I’d feel or what I’d be thinking. At the point it was offered to me, I wasn’t sure it was for real. It came in an unconventional way, and I was still in shock from that chain of events as well.

Eight months later, I move tomorrow. I start on Monday. I will be working in Chicago in about 3 weeks. I’m excited, I’m not as nervous about the drive as I thought I would be… I still want a hovercraft invented by tomorrow so I can use that instead though. I’m ready to get started. I’m almost completely packed, except for things I need tonight or tomorrow.

I’m excited to see the apartment and the area. I’ve never been there. I’m excited to have an internship that pays (it will be sooooooo nice). While I will probably be missing things here, this is an experience I can’t replace and probably wouldn’t get the opportunity to do again. I don’t know who I’ll work with or run into this summer, but that doesn’t really matter.

I’ll be updating on here every couple weeks for sure, but probably more than that.

Go Sox!