It’s in my head.

This story begins on February 14th, 2010. However, it’s not the amazing love story of my life.

I recently came upon a blog of a woman named Molly B. who has been dealing with Post Concussion Syndrome for 4 years.  Her blog inspired me to go ahead and write this entry.  I’d been thinking about it, but her blog made me realize that someone might come across this one and find they aren’t the only ones going through this.

It was a warm-ish Valentines Day, warm enough I could wear just a long sleeved shirt under my Joe Mauer jersey. I wanted to show it off, so it was good that it was warm.  Mom was off that day and the dog had a check-up and bath at the vet, so after class we had to find something to do after running some other errands. We went to JC Penney’s to kill some time. I found some clothes that I could wear for my internship, so I went to try them on. I was warm after that, but nothing unusual after trying on stuff.  We were standing in line because we’d found some stuff to buy.  I started getting dizzy, so I sat down (they were doing construction, so there were no chairs around) in line.  The people in front of us moved so I stood up. I got really tired all the sudden and the last thing I remember before I came to was putting my head on mom’s shoulder. The next thing I remember, I heard my mom saying my name, cashiers asking if they needed to call 911 and my head hitting my mom’s hand on the floor (she told me later that my head had bounced a couple times).  They got me something to eat and got me into a wheelchair but I still had to pay for what I was going to buy.  I blacked out again in line.  The manager wheeled me outside and I immediately started to feel better because of the cool air.  I got home and slept for probably 4 hours. 

I knew after I woke up that I’d had a concussion.  I’d done enough research to know even without going to a Dr. I went a couple days later to make sure.  My headaches still weren’t gone after a couple weeks, so they sent me for a CT Scan to make sure my skull wasn’t cracked.  My sensitivity was (and still is) to light, so being in a hopital was horrible. There wasn’t anywhere to hide from that light and the whiplash made it impossible to put my head down to hide from it.

Looking back, I made some mistakes in treating it.  I went to class the day after it happened and was on a computer for both of those classes.  I thought that if I acted normal that I would heal faster.  I was wrong about that.  The last year is proof of that.

About a month after I fell, I was talking to a friend online and got this horrible pain in my left eye.  It felt like my eye was going to explode. I didn’t know what I was going to do if something happened to my eye. The friend I was talking to lives out of state, and wouldn’t be able to do anything.  All the sudden, it felt like something popped in my eye, my vision went black and came back and after that, it was better.  I was told this was an occular or retinal migraine.  I’ve had a few since, but none like that first one.  About a week after I fell, I was sitting at home and felt my head hit something ( I was sitting on the couch).  Apparently, that was what it felt like when my head hit the concrete when I passed out.

I felt like I was getting better this summer. I’d hardly had any headaches, no dizziness and I wasn’t tired all the time.  I moved home and it all came back. I was sleeping until 11 or 12 every day for the first couple months which meant that I was missing classes and I didn’t care.   Instructors didn’t seem to care that I was apparently still trying to recover from this concussion.

I finally went to a neurologist a couple weeks ago.  She gave me some medication for the migraines, which seems to be working.  So far, I haven’t had any headaches (knock on wood).  I’m still tired a lot, but that’s normal for me. 

I’m hoping that the medication helps and I can get back to a semi-normal life and back to working out again.  I’ve tried, but I get dizzy and can’t do anything.  I can walk, but anything more that that, including steps, and it takes about an hour to recover from it.

I was nervous about writing this post because I’d have to almost re-live the whole thing.  I’m glad we haven’t had much snow or ice this winter because I was so scared that I’d slip and hit my head again.

I see stories about athletes who have suffered concussions in the last year to year and a half and still aren’t playing.  I shake my head, but I know what they’re going through.  It’s frustrating because I think I should be healed by now, but my brain has different ideas.

I’m dealing one day at a time…